Today is my first Mother's Day since we welcomed our baby girl Kadence and it comes with a whole range of emotions. While, it is my first Mother's Day with a baby in my arms it is my fifth with babies in my heart.
For the last few years Mother's Day has been a really hard day. It was reminder of what we had lost and what we so desperately wanted and for some reason just couldn't make it happen. As much as I loved seeing everyone recognize and celebrate the mamas in their lives, I am going to be honest, it was tough for me because in my heart I knew I was already a mama, but there were no celebrations for me. I know there are so many mamas out there experiencing Mother's Day without their children or their own moms and my heart is with them.
I see posts on socials to share a picture of who made you a mama, and as much as I want to share one of Kadence and I, deep down I feel like I became a Mom long before we welcomed K into this world. I wish I had photos to remember the baby that truly made me a mom. When we went for the 12 week ultrasound and there was no heartbeat they didn't ask if we wanted a picture. Looking back I wish that I had asked them to print one. In the moment that didn't cross my mind and I think I will always regret that.
While my journey to motherhood has been anything but easy, being a mom to K has changed my life in a way I could never even imagine. It is the best and most important job I will ever have. There has been some really hard days, but those have shown me how strong and resilient I am, which no doubt comes from how strong my own mom has been her entire life. The week we welcomed K we almost lost my Mom. Looking back on those days I honestly don't know how I made it. Trying to be strong for our little lady in the NICU while at the same time now knowing if she will ever see her Nana again. Luckily my Mom turned a corner and is the best Nana that K could ask for. It really does make you appreciate every day with the ones we love, reminds us not to take anything for granted.
I think today will always be a day of mixed feelings for me, but I am trying to soak up every moment of my motherhood journey and enjoy every day with Miss K. She fills my heart with a joy I didn't know existed. I am beyond grateful to be her Mama and today I am going to celebrate that.
Wishing all of you Happy Mother's Day and thinking of you and sending my love if today isn't the easiest.
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